DIARY OF THOUGHTS

I lost my mood.
I swear to God I lost my groove.
My pen went dry and mind went on snooze.
I lost the love for what I loved the most.
My mind was faraway thinking about who I loved the most.
That's me, and it's not a thumbs down to the woman I'm in love with, it's just that I was in that type of zone where it seemed like it was me versus everybody.
Figuratively beaten up, my clothes torn and nose were bloody.
My mind was frozen, these past days have been the coldest.
Angry at everything and furious at everyone, all of it has been so topsy-turvy.
With each passing day it seems I go a level lower in this depression.
Fighting to satisfy the world, dem troway face go one side like sey i no dey leave any lasting impressions.
Hence this is me being saddened by the fact that I let these things get to me.
I'm in a fist fight with myself like XXX in that SAD video.
My pupils are dilated and of course it's clear that I'm high.
High on this dysfunctional drug called pain.
There is no gain in brooding but you can tell that to my feet which are afraid of the size of the shoes they are about to fill.
My mind doesn't feel at home no more.
It's all panicky, scrambling door to door looking for a place where it can lay safely.
Suddenly my body gave up because my psyche couldn't find its safety.
I would float through hours. ghosting through days because finally everything seemed sour.
In truth all year it's been a bout and a battle.
Relapse and recovery, this back and forth seeming like I've been playing Eminem's albums all year long.
Every song telling a story of how I've fought, won and lost.
Finally I'm back and everything seems on track.
Sometime in the nearest future I might crack and I might loose my way again.
It is clear now , that each time I wrestle him and I lose, the next time I come out alot more stronger than I once was.