Friday, 14 July 2017
Dear daughter 1
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This story is a Sequel to "MORE"
I am writing this to you on this special day of yours. It is your birthday today and it is somewhat for me a day of reckoning, you are twenty one today, my dear how time flies!
I have with me, pictures of each year as you age and the achievements that came with it.
I was in the same hall as you came top of your class early this year, it was when I figured as the best to meet you but then; my nerves failed me.
I saw how much you have grown and the developments you are prone to! If you noticed anyone amidst the air tight crowd running out of the hall; it was me - your mother.
It may seem to you like I am wicked, considering that I have not been an active factor in your life, fair enough, you have the right to feel the way you are feeling.
It is torture for you to have a mother somewhere who is loving you from a distance, a mother that you cannot recognize even if she walk past you.
It is a haunting feeling and I can relate- many questions to answer, many apologies to do and above all; a lot of forgiving.
If you really want to know what I look like, took deep at yourself in the mirror, you should see me, I have been with you at heart, it is hard on me too!
Pains cannot describe the pain but I am done with the self pity and I am working on me the best way I can.
My main purpose of this letter is to give you that which is the only thing I have for you, this is my biggest opportunity to be the mom I have not been to you in the last two decades.
I will succinctly reveal secrets to you in this letter that I will like you to understand using your womanly wisdom, some of which will hurt you but if taken as I prescribed; it will make you a better person - I mean the best version of me.
It won't make our past hurt any less but then, it is our only shot at a bright future.
It is so big a cross that my biggest mistake is your own lesson, this is the first and probably the only time I am going to communicate with you, please do us good by adhering to the advice that will surface in this epistle of bizarre I want to share with you.
I have had my dark times, time so dark; I thought I will not see the light of day, my dreams shattered, I lost who and those things I love, I lost my own self, my aspirations withered away like the water barren rose, my hope was ossified and death looked like the next best thing that needed to happen.
My eyes refused cry, it was too tired to, I was weak in every sphere of life - all this happened my dear girl just because of one decision.
A decision that did not consume much time to arrive at but changed me totally, a change that shook my world to its foundation, a change that haunts me, a change that changed me; you are an economist, you understand meaning of cause and effect.
This dark times' antecedent is what I want to share with you. I want you to "listen" with your eyes and absorb everything.
21 years, the most sensitive age of a female as far as I am concerned.
It is that age when everything that happens around you and in your life goes with you throughout your existence.
There are some decisions you make at this junction that can break or make you, it is that stage where you might even offend your own self which is the worst of all!
A decision breed an action and that consequently change the face totally of how envisioned my life to be.
Just like you, I was a bright law student back in my school days, and joy nearly killed me when I was informed that you chose that sphere to study but again; fear gripped me considering my antecedent.
I was that parent's joy, friend's pride and people's person!
I met your dad the old fashioned way, we were introduced and somewhat arranged by our parents, it was their way of strengthening the bond.
He was about four years older than me, in the medical line and was on top of his game as you know.
My father spoke to me about him as he established that it was his wish that I marry the young man, unlike now; it was a normalcy in my days to go through this channel considering the family orientation that we had - I obliged to my dad and at the moment; my decision illuminated everything.
We got to meet each other at a party organized by my hyperactive father in celebration of my call to bar, it was quite an event, my father had so much hwyl filled in him.
He was so restless on that day that I thought it was a wedding, he commanded silence in the crowded parlor and called me to the side.
I was pensive and very curious, praying fervently that this wish of my father is tandem to my choice of man.
After a brief brag of his daughter's status, my father went to the point and called out your father, I was too scared that I closed my eyes - hoping all goes well!
Heaven smiled on me when I saw the sharply dressed melanin popping tall man come through, I was wowed and for few seconds; I felt I was the unfit one in the arrangement.
I was oppressed by your father's pulchritude! He was putting on a sedulously ironed shirt and green trousers with a glass of the served wine in his hand.
He walked to the uppercase where I and my father stood, he was very respected for reasons I got to know later (his selfless servitude in the world of medicine).
I did not believe in love at first sight until I met your dad, it was like my father read my mind to know my specifics of man.
He handed us over with deft instructions given to my said potential husband, that was amid a round of applause from the audience in the room so to speak.
Your father began to prove himself worthy of my love at the spot I was handed to him, he took me out of the crowd to what is unarguably our first date.
We went into the garden and sat to discuss our views on each other, Girl! your father was the bomb!
My heart sputtered in his presence and i could not believe my luck that i was introduced to a man that exceeded what i wanted for myself. He was up and totally on par!