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Monday, 17 July 2017

Dear Daughter 3

The Year That Changed Everything. 

The most bitter year of my life started well, it was actually the year your father and I decided to make it official, he proposed on the 1st July, 1994 - "it was time" he declared. 

It was three years and that which is to be known is known, no reason to wait, his proposal is not the elaborate common style. 

He joined me in his bathroom after a sexual rendezvous and brought out this twenty five carat ring as he pleaded that I marry him.. 

He is good with words, I know it was something sweet he said but the adrenaline that day did not let me listen well. 

It was so romantic, as a cry baby that I am; I did my thing - I cried. We were together the rest of the day and enjoyed our moment.. 

We went out for good dinner, attended a symposium together as I flashed my deluxe ring. 

I was all smiles walking side by side with the man I love the most, we visited the cinema and unlike us; we were very lousy in there as we made jest of people! 

We kissed every and anywhere at anytime that proved favorable. 

We could not wait to get home where the magic happened as usual, even the devil was conscious that we were unstoppable.

News reached our folks, everyone went amok, so much that my dad bought a column on the dailies to announce his one and only lawyer daughter's wedding. 

It was finally happening, you would not believe that some people actually thought some terrestrial hypnosis is why it took three years, people were that weird in those days!

Your father received a letter from the government a month after that said he was needed for some national work, the letter broke my heart because it relayed that he was going to be away for four months, four whole months! 

To top it all; it was a matter of urgency and he needed to be away as soon as possible. 

My disapproval was palpable but my prince charming was able to calm me down, "it was for the best" he declared. 

Our wedding was set for 7th July that year, he was able to convince me that it was "go" for us after the assignment. 

Nothing will change the day, nothing will stop the event, I succumbed after elaborate plea. (only if we knew better). 

We were too fond of ourselves, he could not stay away for too long, he shuttled through the south western states to Lagos almost every weekend until he was posted to Ilorin with more responsibilities bestowed on him. 

He was acting in the capacity of the chief medical officer in one of the most busy hospital in the state, he could not shuttle very easily. 

It was going to be so for the next two months, this consequently strained the love and I want you to take note of this time in my life.

I and your father were at that real life problem facing  phase for the first time, it totally took us out of our comfort zone and we were at the mercy of the distance factor. 

We had a penchant of being in the company of each other at all time, nothing have disturbed that, it was not going to be easy but it was not impossible. 

Personally; being alone was not my forte - until that moment; I was unaware that I could get insecure! 

I and your father talked on the landline telephone while he was in Ilorin, I suggested visiting him but all proved futile as he lamented of how consuming work was. 

He pleaded that hold in for two months and we will be fine, it dawned on me that if I subtract your father from my life, nothing else was happening. 

Dear daughter, I need you to understand that there is thin line between being "alone" and being "lonely" - you have to know how much strength you posses when you are alone, and you  must not mistake it for loneliness. 

One get the craziest thoughts with a state of mind this shallow, I was so much lost in the pool of my own thoughts that I began to feel abandoned. 

Your father did the best he could from that distance but it was not curative enough to regulate the bizarre thoughts I had in my head. 

I just wanted him alone to myself, life was meaningless without him, his companionship was greatly missed by me so much that it began to weigh me down. 

I have been in his warmth for three years, before that I was in the warmth of my family, it was the very first time I was facing something on my own (totally alone) - I had much happening in my head than it was happening in reality.

Your father's calls went from frequent to often, I could not reach him also and this added to my forlorn.

Maybe I would have maneuvered if I had talked to somebody but then; those around were the judgmental and backward people. 

They were also those that were never in my business, everyone was concerned about the wedding day and it was assumed that I was fine and I did not want to ruin that with a very mundane matter that was actually killing me. 

A whole month went by and I still could not reach your father only for one letter he sent when he briefly visited Lagos for a symposium on the cholera outbreak in the country. 

"he came to Lagos without seeing me?" I thundered - I was depressed, no one to enjoy the wedding preparation bant with!

I was missing him too bad, I let it get out of hand and it began to irritate me. 

One day, after calling his office LAN repeatedly and I got no reply, I stormed out of the house in anger and sadness, nothing felt more belittling. 

I totally failed consider that he could be busy or even be in trouble, I was blindly selfish, so bad; that I left the door of the house open, I strolled with no destination in mind. 

It was about to rain, the weather was frowning, the street had people running looking for shade to duck themselves so they do not get wet by the rain, lightening accompanied with thunder helped me identify my realest reality. 

I turned back and tried to jog back home, but the rain came like it was chasing me. 

I had to run into a place with lights. I got in and it was bar with people who were not bothered about what was happening outside. 

They littered inside and the rain had me slightly wet so I made way to the bartender and ordered for scotch to shake off cold (I and your father were very wild responsible drinkers). 

I hadn't gotten my groove on when I heard a voice amid the din yelled my name, "who could possibly know me?" I looked and it was an old friend of mine, he was my course mate back in school..

He was one of those obsessed ones, we were quite close in school, and I did not explore with him- we had a thing, undefined and we just did not break down our feelings. 

If your father did not come along, he is most likely to be the man I will be with but three years with your father made me totally shut him out. Seeing him on this very vulnerable day cannot be the work of God..

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