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Monday, 14 May 2018


'Wetin this boy find come sef'
As much as I tried to keep my cool, she could see me trembling.
'Dave, what's wrong'
'It's Segun, he says he's at my busstop...coming to my house'

Her face went white immediately. For her, the fear of Segun was wisdom itself. For me, well... I was just about to smash my friend's sister half a second ago, So... You get the picture.
We were stuck in a mode I'd refer to as immobile panic, looking at each other, our muscles fixated  ...  We couldn't move an inch, aswerrruugad It was like bini magic. We were jolted by to reality by the blaring ringtone of my phone.
I looked at her and she read the caller ID off my face, Demonic segun pon this one.
I picked up.
"Guy, you wan use ten years pick call? We dey your gate ojere"
"Shatap joor I been dey piss, I dey com"
I swear I could hear my own voice sound very unconvincing, 'temi ba mi leni'.
"Babe, just stay in the room and be silent... I would hasten him up to leave"
She nodded in affirmation and I headed towards the gate to open it.
"Olori bu Seqe! This one you come invade me for house so, am I safe? "
"You dey mad, make I collect your permission to come your house come drink beer to check whether you still dey breathe abi? "
Zoza slices through the convo,
"Baba hope sey udeme dey wey chilled asper make e be like mortuary standard"
"E dey" I replied as I led them to the parlour trembling in half and feigning confidence.
"Make una shack up o ", I served them small stout, 'make dem for fit drink am chaply kon dey go house I said to myself'
"Wetin una find go vespa this hot afternoon, una no dey stay one place? "
"We go buy sticksweet for there, idiat"
"Segun you dey mad before I know, Zoza yan me ojere"
"I been wan buy shoe, I kon drag segun follow body"
In my mind I'm like 'God go punish this Zoza o, alakoba lo mo yi sha'. They show me the shoes they got, some flat soles and some brogues, as usual vespa doesn't disappoint.
Then some hot gist emanates from no where, our friend 'Abraham' had been F#cking another of our friend 'Damola' and no one knew, my conscience crept up and whispered in my ears you were bouto F#ck his sister though, I quickly put my conscience on snooze 'halfly' tellng myself we weren't gonna 'do the do', 'halfly' admitting I was probably gonna tear that ass up.

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