Thursday, 5 January 2017
THOUGHTS (part seven) flawed
Confused at his location, currently love sick
I lived a terrible, terrible life. My father was a confused alcoholic who was a rich on of a bitch...he'd beat up his wife and children.. When my mama lay bleeding on the floor, crying, broken and helpless.. He exorcized his demons in i and my brother's backside. He'd rape us; both with himself and his bottles..
We could not break free of his hold till we were 10 years old.. By then, my brother and I were able to overpower him with our strength combined. I loved my mom; but i hated her weakness... She was a weakling who was preyed upon by a wolf. She died when i was 15 years old. Of heroin addiction...
I watched my mother wither away with heroin and crack. They were are escape- her children were not enough for her.. We grew up without her love and care. My father killed her finally when she became totally useless... He beat her to a coma and she didn't make it. Several times she tried escaping to her family, but he'd bar her from leaving.. And since my father continued greasing the hands of her family members; they didn't give a bleep about her and us. I guess i know why im so attracted to Tito.. She's a strong woman who's not afraid to speak her mind.
Enough of all this down talk...
I've been having consistent dreams about bolatito.. I feel this close bond to her.. It's like she's near me.. I had a dream we were having fun and relaxing before i was brutally woken into reality. I need to start looking for tito.. She's not safe wherever she is.. I keep having nice dreams of her and I spending time together. She's like a mirage i cannot touch... Shimmering and far away.. I have to get her soon..
What's so sad about this whole thing is that she doesn't know i exist.. I feel I'm running out of time.. I have to find her, stay with her and make her fall in love with me. I dream of touching her and making sweet love to her.. She's my whole world.
Before she got missing, I'd stalk her for weeks at a go... I love her firmness, backbone, and integrity. She relates well with everybody and she's a good woman.. She also has this curves to die for, she fills up her suit and at the dinner where i saw her last; she took my breath away. I just wish I'd bolstered up my courage to approach her sooner. I lost her. In an epic manner...
I made sure not to tip anyone about what's going on. Whenever someone asks about her, i told them she travelled. I visited her parents and convinced them that she's safe and sound; she had an emergency journey related to work. Gullible illiterates.
"I drifted off and thought of tito again! This bitchy woman is destroying my sex life currently."
The woman who had the pussy i was munching moaned in disappointment..."focus, sheila" i said to myself.. I licked her with renewed vigor. Im not going to let tito make me lose diana this night... Or is it didi or daniella? I can't even remember. "I love your snatch baby" it's delicious" i moaned around a mouthful of pussy. Bleh, I'm such a liar; i can taste nothing...
Im busy thinking of how Bolatito tastes.
I'm not letting her go anytime soon.. I looked at her back and realized how smooth they've become... Almost scarless. "I have to remedy that" i thought with a grin.. I can't believe i let her go without pain for long.. What is happening to me?! I have to prove im me!
I stood up and dragged her to her feet using her ponytails... I smashed her head on the table. I heard a sickening crunch and i felt soo good. I grabbed some ropes from the back of the door. Tied her hands and feet firmly, and laid her on the floor on her stomach.. I gazed down at her back and got angry at the smoothness and old scars. Im an artist and i need to work on a canvas. I swung the belt and asked her to count every strikes hitting her skin. If she stopped counting, I'd start again.. Her screams delighted me.
I was sweating and breathing hard when i got to twenty... The skin on her back is beautiful red and white art. I had a sudden inspiration. I padded into the kitchen, opened a drawer and retrieved a candle.. I proceeded to write my name on her back, using hot wax. Beautiful.
Dying right now.
I screamed through the agony im going through. I can't believe i fell in love with the man currently pouring wax on my wounded back. What hurt me the most was that i know he love me. The memory of his love and tender care all this weeks( i guess) was what is keeping me from dying. I remember the tender look in his eyes and the loving way he cares for me... His tender and rough( with love) lovemaking.. Our long talks and strolls around the compound.. The way he treats me with respect... His behaviour totally obliterated his attitude in the beginning... He told me to forgive him and said he can't release me because he loves me...
I can't believe "wicked leke"is back.. I call the tender part of him "sweet leke".. I miss him insanely. He told me I'd spent 5 months with him... I earned the right to wear clothes with sweet leke- with him, im an equal.. Gradually the wickedness reduced and i forgot the feeling of pain..
Right now, I'm dying of a broken heart, and broken back.